Introduction to a few pages I wrote about life.

Some people want to die because they don't know how to live their life, other people want to keep their life because they've learned the true value of being alive. Pain can be a lesson that makes you see the importance what's worth living, happiness is an experience that can last while you're breathing. I don't know how true it is, but I had those thoughts when I was still a suicidal child caught in a prison of isolation born of my experience and mind. Then came college I learned to befriend other people and realized life doesn't have to be so lonely after all. Despite all the pain this world can possibly place on your shoulders it's not that impossible to carry when you have other people helping you through...

Getting up when you're deep in the mud.

There are a lot of people who will make you feel like you are the most worthless person on the face of the universe but that doesn't mean that they are right. You have to develop enough sense and dignity to stand up for yourself when you know you're right. Getting bullied rarely happened to me back in the day, partly because of my size. Who'd want to pick on someone who could easily crush you with the sheer weight of their stomach. Something that brought me to the topic of obesity but anyway.
Here are probably some things you may want to consider in building up dignity.

1. Have good family relationships.

Aside from close friends what could be more comfortable than having your family around to cheer you up when you're feeling gloomy and pick you up when you're face is deep down on the ground? you shouldn't be scared to tell your parents when you have problems and you should know how to trust them, after all they're your parents.

2. Have good friendships.

Avoid making friends with people who indulge you into vices. It's alright to make friends with people who have Vices but advise you not to copy them. There are people who know when they're wrong and don't want you to follow. make good friends and do what you can to keep your relationships good, that way, even in the absence of good family ties, you'll still have a shoulder to cry on when you need it the most.

3. You may want to try learning self defense.

I'm not a fan of Martial arts but I do like being able to defend myself from someone who stretches out their hand and asks you for your lunch money. Unless the person has a really bad weapon or a crazed mental state, I don't think I'd give in easily if I knew self defense. Find the nearest Taijutsu school quick!

4. Build up a good personality.

By good I don't mean too good. You have to know when people are being genuinely good to you or not, if all you do is say "Yes" and you don't know how to say "No" you may just be getting yourself into a deep hole. Who wouldn't like a nice person with a good personality? Well, some people are just too hard to please.

5. Have faith in yourself.

Making mistakes is just a part of being human, you shouldn't be scared to commit mistakes but avoid them as much as possible and be scared when you stop making mistakes, you may just have evolved into something else @_@ or not. when you feel everybody else is trying to get you down, you should learn how to pick yourself up and recover.

6. ..to be continued..

Blind.

 Not everybody has a face that you can love, but anybody is capable of being lovable given the right conditions, set of mind and attitude.But it's hard to love with your heart if you don't like what you see with your eyes and you definitely can't keep closing your eyes to the truth that you may not like what you see.

                                                                        

If you're going to love someone why look at their physical appeal? Well, were human and that just nature, most of us can't help but look for people who are attractive. Others don't care how bad you look as long as you have a lot of money.

                                                                           
I'll probably fix this article when i get more ideas.

Wicked Justice

Beware the wrath of the ones you slander!

The vengeful will come to drag you under

Hunted for murder by those you oppress

Sentenced to die by the world you transgress!

In the grip of demise you lose all hope

We wickedly jeer while you hang by rope

Laughing at you as you bleed from the head

It's only over the moment you're dead!

Seeing you struggle in hopeless despair

I love the sight of you gasping for air

Loving each moment of watching you cry

I'll have the pleasure of watching you die!

In the inferno where nothing is fair

Get yourself ready I'm taking you there

Judgement will come at the toll of the bell

 Justice is served while you're burning in Hell!

The Magician

                                 
            It was one of those nights when I was still up with my uncles. All four of them were already intoxicated with alcohol and I was busy munching on an Ice cube. Uncle Ramon was pouring down a drink wen I remembered he had diabetes. "It's the only cure, hehe.. " He laughs while he tells me that alcohol was safe for diabetics, and he's had a ;pt. "I'm 52, I can't get sick can't stop working and beer is my only cure".. He smiles as he keeps drinking and all I can do is stare sleepily at him and hope he doesn't die of drunkenness.

            I was getting really sleepy and I thought conversation would be the perfect thing to keep me up and awake. "How about your kids? Doesn't Pipoy work?" He looks at the bottle as if he was checking for dirt "Yes, he's working at PAL". Taking another Ice cub to munch on I asked him how much his son was earning "He doesn't earn anything at PAL." He replies. I looked at him with a puzzled look and asked " How can he not be earning anything at Philippine Airlines?", "Philippine Airlines? No, he work at PAL-Amunin hehe.." he chuckles on. Palamunin in our language means someone who doesn't work for food but just eats at home. "He used to work, but then he realized tht with or without working he'd still eat so maybe he thought, what was the use of both of us working? hehehe.." He laughs happily.


            "You're very positive about it though.." i looked at him with a smile. " At my age you can't afford to be pessimistic, you could die, of stroke or heart attack or neighbors!", even his laughter couldn't wake my other two uncles from the soothing trance of intoxication. My fourth uncle was becoming sober, washing the dishes and not drinking too much was probably his way of avoiding hang-overs. The rain was calming down but through such a cold night i kept munching on ice like it was a hot summer afternoon. My uncle asked why I was doing that, he asked if I wanted to catch a cold. "Ice helps me keep awake, the cold atmosphere is making me sleepy and I still have to clean up after you guys are asleep here.." He looked at me and said "Wow, try eating fire when it's a hot night hehe..".

           "Some people live without ever seeing the beauty of life because they're too scared to drink beer!" Amazingly, uncle Henry was serious. " Some people have kidney and liver problems man you can't dictate on that hehe.." uncle Marlon laughs at his own jokes while washing the dishes. Uncle Henry had just woken up and he seemed liked he was in strong belief that Beer was the source of happiness. After a few minutes of arguing with the rest of the guys on the table uncle henry decides to go home, even if it was raining. "Don't be such a sore loser, hehe, we have our own beliefs, hehe.." uncle Ramon took him by the shoulders and sat him back at the table.

           I had a feeling I didn't even belong on the table, I thought it may have been better if I just sat inside the house and waited for them to finish drinking so I could clean up. "Want a good magic trick?" uncle Ramon asked me, although reluctant I agreed. "Watch me work and live everyday and you'll see a world class act, hehehe" he chuckles on. I can't recall exactly what I learned that night aside from being with a bunch of drunk old men being a bad idea. They may live a difficult life, but it's amazing how positive someone can be even when they're struggling or drunk enough.

"itlog na pula" (salted red egg.) Chapter 2.

As a child of the early 1990's I felt the effects of mt.Pinatubo's eruption early in life, My family's main source of livelihood was agriculture and lots of our farmlands where gobbled up by lahar and heavy ash fall, making it hard if not impossible for the soil to yield fruit. My mother's father was a green thumb, I must have taken after him, The sorrow in him was evident by his declining health, but that didn't break his spirit, he was too strong to stay down permanently, unfortunately, a couple of years after the volcano's eruption, my family still had livelihood problems which prompted my parents to leave the country when I was still an infant.

                                                           
I felt every drop of love and every inch of sacrifice my mom's parents gave to me, my grandmother would take me to church on a bicycle and bought me fruits with the little money she had, when I was about six, I could remember it as if it only happened yesterday, I came home tired from walking and helping around in the farm and all there was to eat was a piece of "itlog na pula" (salted red egg.) without hesitation or any trace of uncertainty, my grandmother gave it to me, I gleefully ate it, but my jaw dropped with sadness when i saw her putting some salt into the platelet of rice she had and ate it in place of what she gave me.

"wag kang umiyak apo"(do not cry my child) she said with a sweet smile. "God is good, we are still here, there's no reason to feel sorry, we should be happy because we still have this blessing to share." those words echo in my head every single time I'm about to eat, which is why it has never been my habit to accept treat that is sweet and costly, I learned not to spend too much,
My only regret is that now that i can eat practically anything I want, The people I want to share with the most are already gone. I never talked back to my grandparents (mother's side) I had nothing but love, respect and positive feelings towards them, every Sunday my mom never looks for me, she knows I'm at the cemetery,spending quality time........

Failure to blog.

My sister is around 15, she's not even a woman yet and she already has a mean streak even hell would envy, to be a teenager is often linked with rebellion and subversion, in my sister's case this is true, I'm not a person that would make up any excuse for not being around, It simply isn't possible to blog when your PC is down, how are the two topics related?
apparently, a few weeks ago, my sister got mad over a reason no one would tell me, in her anger, she threw the keyboard at the PC monitor, the witnesses said the keys got scattered all over the floor but they managed to repair it (the keyboard.) unfortunately my monitor didn't function well.

you can imagine an ugly fat guy like me looking up to the sky and yelling a prolonged version of the word "NO!!!!!" while raising my hands in a clenched position, reminds me of a pic from one of the books I read, my sister threw a fit as powerful as the eruption of mt. st.Helens complete with a volcanic explosivity index of 5! a plinian burst of anger! Unfortunately for her,when I throw a fit, the sun looks for shelter in the next galaxy, which explains why I've never thrown a real fit, my proof? the sun has never left its post! Nothing could make me spend another 20,000+ Filipino pesos for a new PC, besides, that would cost me another four years of saving, instead, I called fora technician, with a hard and silly expression of futile hope I said, maybe I can fix it, i mean, It's just a bundle of wires right?

I had absolutely no background in electronics, wiring or anything computer related, when i looked at the monitor, i said "what am i doing?? I'm not....no! AAAAHHHH!!" to myself.
after about a week, i finally decided to call for a technician, i had to save money for the bill, I'm a very conservative person, i wouldn't spend a peso on candy even if i wanted to. When people start out poor, they realize the value of the cents that others throw away and the money many would use on vanity and etc, the only thing that costs a lot I have ever spent on is a PC and it takes years to save, this (PC) was only bought late last year.

The technician must have enjoyed working for us, in fact he only worked on it for half a day on a weekly basis, he spent the rest of the day chatting and eating and eating a bit more then talking to anyone around, taking a break then eating again, you can imagine the pain in my pockets, it took him weeks to get it fully functioning. My mother spent more on feeding the technician than the actual pay, The connection was rather slow and I've been using PC rentals for research, time is worth more than gold, and I wouldn't even sit there for over half an hour, as you can see, I'm back, not even an eruption with the likes of mt. Pinatubo coming from my sister can stop me from blogging permanently..... :)
:P