Attention, care, joy, laughter and even love , things that any normal person gets freely and maybe not easily but they get it anyway, unfortunately, it's not so easy when your'e an outcast, everything seems so hard to reach and even impossible, it's the equivalent of being a modern-day leper that no one wants to touch, listen to or see, it gets really cold, frustrating and annoying, it's the deafening sound of one's silent inner cries of both sadness and longing with a pinch of hate and a spoonful of envy for those who go by easily.
You can't just demand respect, even if you did, would anyone hand it to you on a plate if you've never done anything right? You have to earn it! You can't gain immediate trust, you attain it, you don't get rich by just asking for it (unless you get really lucky) and you can't have everything, there are limits to what's for you, whether or not you reach your goals in life is up to you, but not entirely, sometimes you really can't stop crap from happening, it just does, one moment your up there with your head held high, come the next moment, you might just see yourself crashing down.
Some outcasts are Narcissistic in nature, they do just about everything just so you notice them, this is because it's crushing to exist but be treated like you were dead long ago, it's a state of damnation when you walk the earth, normal people (sadly) may even enjoy picking on those who are looked down upon by the condemning eyes of society. Being different doesn't make you a freak, unfortunately, not everyone thinks that way.
Some of them are silent, waiting, hoping someone will notice them and start a conversation just so they won't be left out, some of them even resort to being push-overs (intentionally), they'd rather be treated as rags rather than not be treated as anything at all, bleeding silently can be maddening but that doesn't mean they have to be push overs forever.
There are people who are desperate for affection and a shoulder to lean on, although no one understands them and usually mis-understand, they still go on, leaving people alone is enough, to annoy them or hurt them is another thing, it's probably not a good thing to test the limits of their patience, silent outcasts are usually like volcanoes when they finally blow their top.
It's somehow unnerving to know that some people are not outcasts because they are too silent, push overs, envious or craving affection, it's a bit disturbing to know that some people isolate themselves for the sake of not going berserk, I've met a few people in life who separate themselves from a group because they find just about everything to be either pathetic or a waste of time and yes, they go Ballistic when angered to a certain degree, it doesn't take much to heat them up, all you have to do is put up your best smiling face and say "Hi!" it doesn't take long before you realize they want to take your teeth and see blood on your face.
One thing most of them have in common is their want for "Love" regardless of how bad they seem, they are usually soft inside, unless you meet the Sociopathic Arsonists like me, we just enjoy seeing things burn, from people's hair (still attached to their scalp) or maybe a sugar-cane farm like i did when i was in high school, the sight of roaring flames just seem so good! well, that's until the local officials come chasing after us and make us sleep at the local jail for a day or two.. there are no regrets though, you can't have everything the way you want it, here's guessing my partners in crime think it was worth it! Cheers anyone?" Never mind that...
Life used to be a search for fun, happiness and contentment, although I've never really realized my goal, i can understand why i was so bizzare in school in addition to which i could understand why i was treated that way, growing up among farm plants and animals, i barely had any idea how to be with other children, i hated their smiles and wanted to crush their joy, the kind i felt i couldn't have, a few years of fishing for wisdom and understanding with the few people who helped me through my demonic urges was all it took to turn the tide around.
A few weeks without them is all it takes to make the boat sink halfway down, but hanging on to something is better than nothing, although many outcasts like me still endure the un-ending misery of bearing others as well as our own demons, were not about to go ballistic and take you guys with us just yet... unfortunately for the idiots who don't know what their getting themselves into, they should start an early appointment with the dentist, they may just wake up with missing teeth and organs in a sewer... >:)
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